Thursday, January 30, 2014

My Love-Hate Relationship With My Glasses

One fun fact about me - I seem to always have worn glasses. The frames, and sometimes the lens grade, merely change over the years to fit my personal style and my worsening eyesight. But anyway, my glasses are cool and all that because they help me to actually recognize someone in public (because without my glasses, everyone basically looks like faceless blobs) but they do have their own downsides. Without further ado, let me present to all of you my list of top ten worst things about having to wear glasses:

1. You don't want to wear them for whatever reason and well, that sucks because you have to. You won't be able to see anything without them aside from a jumbled mass of shapes and colors. So abstract!

Ah, yes! Good morning, Mr. Anderson. You're looking dapper today! Is that a new tie?

Also, even with them on, they can only provide you with a limited area of clarity. Your peripheral vision is still blurry as ever!

2. You can't wear sunglasses. Unless you have those cool ones that have your custom eye grade built into them, you're stuck with having to shield your eyes using your hands, a newspaper, a cap, anything but sunglasses, which were made specifically for the purpose of shielding eyes from the sun in mind!

But hey, if you insist.

3. They can get knocked off your face sometimes. A mistimed high-five and boom! You've been transported back to blurrysville. 

4. In connection to number 3, once they are knocked off, it takes nearly forever to find them and you look like an idiot scrambling around on all fours brushing across the floor or wherever to see where on earth your glasses ended up (and before something happens to them) and people around you are like "Dude, your glasses are like right there!". Why thank you, captain obvious! I know they're right here (somewhere) but I can't see them because everything from my end looks like my eyes have been coated with a fresh layer of petroleum jelly so if you could stop being a poopyhead and just hand me over my glasses, that would be great. Thanks.

5. Even with them on, you still get pretty crappy view sometimes. Mostly because of lens smudges. You accidentally touch your glasses while brushing your hair away from your face? Lens smudge. Someone kisses you and their nose pokes your glasses? Lens smudge. You huggle your dog and he brushes up against your glasses? Lens smudge. Basically every activity can result in a lens smudge and if you don't clean it up, you have to walk around with slightly-there-but-not-really semi-transparent shapes in your field of vision.

6. Speaking of cleaning your glasses, they sometimes take forever to clean! With some smudges not budging and sometimes even managing to smudge up an entire lens! What the what!


7. So you vow to always take good care of your glasses and just never remove them so you get a perfect view of the world like people with 20/20 vision (Lucky bastards!). But you still have to take them off. You won't be able to enjoy activities that people with perfect vision take for granted. For example:

Remove glasses in shower = Accidentally use lotion as shampoo
Remove glasses while having a haircut = What have you done to my hair?
Remove glasses in the pool = Be the worst water volleyball player ever
Remove glasses before sleeping = Wake up not knowing what time it is by instantly looking at the clock

8. People who wear fake, non-prescription eyeglasses are 842528752 times more annoying. Why do you mock me? HUHUHU. These glasses are no joke! I do not have the same luxury of using them as an accessory! Or to take cutesy "im such a nerd lolol <3" pictures. I actually have to live with the exchange of bad eyesight for these glasses.

"Oh, you think the glasses are your ally, but you merely adopted these spectacles. I was born with them, molded by them. I didn't see clearly until I was already a man; by then, it was nothing to me but blinding!"

9. People don't recognize you without your glasses or say that you look weird, probably because you have to squint a lot without them on. 

10. You spend a good amount of time and money on your eyeglasses and their added care and maintenance. You have to find the right fit, the right frame, the right lens! Should I go for the brown frames, or these big red ones? color-changing lens? The thick ones? The thin ones? The anti-glare? What do all these options mean? You will need to replace them if they break, get them readjusted if they get loose, update them if your eyesight gets even worse, etc. etc.

But even with all these things, I can still proudly say that I still kinda like my glasses. Each and every single pair I've had throughout the years has definitely helped me see the world better and all the beauty it has to offer. I feel naked, incomplete without my glasses. They have become a very important part of me, and I'm sure everyone who has had to get glasses feels the same way. Here's to taking good care of our eyes and our little eye helpers!

See you guys around, 


  1. Holy shmowzow, you're still alive (again)!
    I've got glasses too, but only for faraway distances, so I'm not really one to talk here since I can manage without them. But, have you looked into contact lenses? They can be a godsent if you can get them working comfortably. Talking from second-hand experience here, but hey, it's something right?
    I've never found the smudges to be that big of a deal. Or maybe I'm just not clumsy enough to get the things dirty every other minute? ;D

  2. Yes, I wanted to make my second return nice and subtle. Haha. I actually have contact lenses but they can be a bit of a pain to put in and remove sometimes. They also can't be worn in the pool, during sleep, etc. So basically they have their own downsides. Good for you that you aren't that clumsy, because I certainly am. Huhu.

  3. These were all my hugest problems until I finally got the huge bliss that is contact lenses

  4. Your writing style is so brilliant, I'm jealous! You've got a great sense of humour. I didn't know there were SO many downsides to wearing glasses haha. But hey, at least you look smart ALL THE TIME.
    #4 reminds me of Velma from Scooby Doo looking for her glasses on the floor in practically every episode.
    Hope to see new stuff from you soon!

  5. OMG I can totally relate to this. I've been wearing glasses for 17 years but I've never had the guts to try contacts! I especially like the sunglassses one. Some look sooooo cool but I can't wear them our or I'll be crashing into pillars and walls hahaha

  6. Lol everything you said is so true :) I really love/hate my glasses sometimes.


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