Baby Blues

Most of you don't really know this (except of course, for people I know in real life creeping on here) but a while back, my mom called me up on Skype and asked me if I wanted to know a secret. Being someone who could probably give Curious George a run for his monkey money, I nodded my head almost immediately.

She leaned in closer to her webcam and promptly announced: I think I might be pregnant.

"urp"

At the time, I was nomming on some delicious little oranges (What are they called again?) and I half-choked on a seed and half-spat another. My lovely mother got a kick out of that. When I asked her how it happened, and she responded with "How do you think it happened?", I promptly tried to push away the images of my middle-aged parents doing err, you know, that all suddenly started popping up one after another like those rampant porn site viruses (not like I would know anything about those) and tried to focus on the urgent matter at hand: my mom could possibly later on bring a new life into this world and I would be a sister, for the second time! 

Needless to say, I wasn't exactly thrilled at this. I mean, I can barely even see eye to eye with the sibling I have now and I most definitely would not want another one. Besides, I am now old. Having another younger sibling stopped being cool when I turned ten, since by that point, all I could think of was by the time I would be 40 and well on my way towards the slow decline to wrinkly skin and death by old age, my sibling would be thirty, flirty and thriving (hello '13 Going On 30' reference!). Yes, I am that selfish.

Add to this the fact that babies are practically useless. Yes, I admit, they ARE cute. For like a second! This is before they either start what other people consider "crying" (although I would personally choose to call it deafening screams of doom), or poop/eat/sleep and then "cry".

"OH GAWD. It's calling its dark minions. Take cover! I got dibs on the space under the table"

Plus, they always seem to be happy and always seem to want to attract your attention. It's like they put everyone under a spell and then use them to fulfill their wishes. Also, they can't do my homework for me, or do any chores, and more importantly, they can't really take the blame for me. 

"Honestly, it was the baby! Believe me, you fools! DO NOT BE DECEIVED!"

On a final note, my mom turned out to not be pregnant after all. Her "monthly visitor" was just a tad bit delayed. This equated to me breathing a sigh of relief. It was a false alarm. In other words, PARTAAAY! 

Waah,