only in the romance movies

Ah, romantic movies. Perfect for those nights when all a girl wants to do is snuggle up on the couch with a huge tub of ice cream and a box of tissues. However, here is a list of stuff that only seem to happen in these romantic flicks:

1) The "ugly" nerdy girl transforms into a stunning beauty with a couple of ridiculous modifications.
We all know about this cliche, so don't pretend you don't. They cast a pretty girl to play the lead role and to make her seem completely undesirable to everyone, they stick glasses on her (what's wrong with glasses? I wear glasses. They're sexy. Or maybe this is just my insecurity over my poor eyesight talking). Anyway, they also have her tie her hair up in a ponytail. Bonus if she has braces, too.

Ew. How ugly.

Finally, at some point in the movie she'll decide to undergo a transformation that merely involves removing her glasses (and never using them again), wearing her hair down and slipping into a sexy little dress. Of course, the slow-walk-down-the-stairs scene or dramatic-entrance-into-a-room scene is obligatory afterwards. 

"I'm gorgeous now. Who cares if I can't make out any of your facial features due to my horrible eyesight, I'm not wearing those glasses again."

2) Completely opposite people are meant for each other.

Almost half (I think.) of romance movies have this very plot. Either a hot cheerleader/successful young woman falls for the loser guy who clearly fails at life or the captain of the football team/successful young man falls for the nerdy, socially-awkward girl. Of course, it can happen in real life, although quite rarely.

"I don't care if you don't have an immune system. We'll make this work. In the meantime, listen to this awesome guitar cover by yours truly"

3) Dramatic kisses always happen in the rain.

This doesn't really need much explanation. There's just something about kissing while freezing drops of rain pummel your body. Oh, and you get a cold afterwards, too. Think about all those sick days and all that phlegm and cough syrup. How romantic.

Blegh. Spiderman and MJ get plus points though. Because Spidey's upside down. Also because he's Spiderman and I like him.

4) There's always the lovemaking scene. Oh, and the L-shaped cover.

I don't recall a romantic film I ever saw that didn't involve a little romp in the hay. Usually this is not awkward and is always awesome, wild, and passion-filled. Also, it always occurs no later than the third date. And afterwards, everyone assumes this weird position wherein the covers is up to the woman's chin but exposes the man's chest completely. 

"Apparently, people in the film industry think everyone loves seeing a man's hairy chest. After all, women's breasts are freakin' ugly."

5) The only way to make things right is to run after him/her.

Usually, after the main conflict in the film, one of the lead characters will have to leave on an airplane or get married to someone else or drive out of town or whatever that basically means ending the love affair with the other lead character. At this point, the other lead character who is left behind, suddenly has the sudden realization that he or she cannot live with the other, and rushes as fast as possible to the airport or where the wedding is being held or the edge of town to try and catch the newly-realized love of his or her life before it's too late.

"Honey. I ran through airport security, hijacked this stair thingy and am currently about to be shot in the head because everyone now thinks I'm a terrorist. Also, I love you."

I honestly do not see the point in all of this. Why all the effort? Hasn't anyone in these movies heard of a cellphone? Just call 'em, profess your undying love to 'em. Boom! Happily Every After. Which brings me to:

6) Love conquers all

No matter what happened in these movies, everything will turn out okay in the end. All you need to make all your problems go away is a kiss with the one you love and it will seem like nothing else ever mattered. I mean, everyone will hijack a stair thingy and maneuver it alongside the plane with their loved one who is about to leave forever on board at least once in their life, right?

That's love for ya.

Oh and here's a picture of heart-shaped french fries because I love french fries.

Au revoir,