my superhero journey (part 1)

Who doesn't think superheroes are cool? I mean, they are seriously awesome! I'm someone who has spent a good portion of my childhood and adolescence (teenager-hood?) reading my brother's comic books. No famous classics for me, so sorry Les Miserables, A Tale of Two Cities and Pride and Prejudice (is it shocking that I haven't read the first two and fell asleep after a few pages of the third one? gah! Sorry). I may read them and more some time soon, probably when I grow up (which I am thinking is sometime around never). However, I may pick those books up and pretend to browse through one of them while in a bookstore in order to snag a cute, quirky, cultured dude. Haha. Okay, I was kidding. I think.

Anyway, today I will talk about what I will be like if I was a superhero (which I still believe will happen in the near future. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Haha.)

So, I have to automatically be able to fly (though not really a staple, but this is my world, so to heck with rules), have a fairly acceptable knowledge of combat moves and skills (naturally), be fit and strong (so I will look hot in that skin-tight outfit, of course), and finally be witty and charming (think Spiderman one-liners).

The films largely ignored the fact that Spidey's a wisecracker. I was disappointed.

So now that I've got the basics all smoothed out, I need to be able to have an awesome superpower and one that will be associated to me and my superhero name.

But first, let's look at some of the other superheroes with weird, and incidentally hilarious super powers:

1) Defenestrator - he is a member of Section Eight from the comic series "Hitman". His power is throwing people out of windows. He even carries a window around in case there isn't one available nearby. Seriously.

2) Bueno Excellente- another member of Section Eight. He wears a shrunken brown coat that exposes his hairy chest and his huge belly. He only ever says "Bueno" or "Excellente" (usually preceded with a chuckle) and he uses this to defeat his enemies. He literally fights evil with the powers of perversion. *shudders*

3) Dog Welder- he is also a member of Section Eight (okay, I will make him the last one. You are free to research the rest). He wears a welder's mask and quite simply, welds stray dogs onto his enemies' faces. I cannot think of a less disturbing way to say that.

4) Arm Fall Off Boy- His power is detaching his left arm like he was some plastic action figure and using it as a club. I also love how creative he was with his name. 

5) Squirrel Girl- Besides, having the agility, speed, and strength of a squirrel, Squirrel girl can also -wait for it- talk to squirrels! She has actually saved the day multiple times. One includes the time she actually defeated Doctor Doom (presumably by having a squirrel run up his pants). Plus, she has inspired Bubbles from the Power Puff Girls, who can also talk to squirrels.

6) The Color Kid- He could change the color of things. That is all.

7) Red Bee- Sort of like Squirrel girl, but this time with BEEEESSSS! He could train bees like no bee trainer you've ever seen and he kept his favorite bee (Michael) inside his belt buckle. I am not kidding.

So, that is all I will list (for now). I still haven't decided on what my superpower is going to be yet, plus, what my costume should look like, if I should have a sidekick or not, etc. This is the reason I've divided this post into multiple ones, since I wouldn't want to bore you guys with a super long post about my journey to becoming a superhero. Haha. Plus, it is actually tiring on my end. Do you guys have any suggestions for me? More weird superheroes you can tell me about? Let me know!

Stay super,